Too Many Lawyers

   Did you notice how many people who've never had a single positive response to Dan Quayle thought he was right and brave and good when he told off the lawyers at their convention last week?

   Right on, Dan. You tell 'em, by G-d.

   Dan Quayle says there are too many lawyers. The lawyers say that's scapegoating. They say that too much litigation is a societal problem. Sure. That's what you'd expect the lawyers to say.

   Let's look at some examples.

   You build a new house. One day a cable installer falls off your roof. He claims that because you had no parapet wall around the roof, you are responsible for his fall.

   You never even considered putting up a parapet wall. It would have looked silly, cost an extra $5,000, and you think it's downright absurd that a homeowner is supposed to put up an expensive and unsightly wall around an unused exterior roof. By G-d, if the law actually says that, then the law is surely an ass.

   We're getting clobbered in the international markets because our businesses are so taxed by legal costs that we can't produce at a competitive price, or so hamstrung by fear of liability that we won't produce at all.

   And that's the G-d's honest truth. If you don't believe me, ask anybody.

   Our kids don't even know what a diving board is, for G-d's sake. No pools have them anymore. Why? Because of the lawyers and lawsuits, of course. Are you stupid?

   And doctors. Know why our medical costs are so high? Of course you do. It's the lawyers. Doctors are afraid to treat patients. Hospitals are charging $100 for a band-aid, and the insurance industry is about to topple, taking the whole darned society down with it. Only one real reason, and we know it.

   It'll never change, either. Know why? Right again. The lawyers. That's obvious. They write the laws. They control the courts. It works for them, and that's what counts.

   G-d knows it's wrong, and if you ever needed proof, just think about that roof and getting sued when the cable installer falls.

   How in the name of G-d could anybody claim that was your fault and keep a straight face. But that's what the law says. It's an old law, too.

   The law reads, "When you build a new house, then you shall make a parapet for the roof, that you bring not blood upon the house, if any man falls from there".

   It's in Deuteronomy ...Chapter 22, Verse 8.

   That's the Old Testament. By G-d.